I Am

By Jabari Aali Shaw

Me am a complex individual. One who hold a group of repressed desires and memories that exert a dominating influence on my behavior and personality.

        I am extremely combative because everybody
        Wants to battle me.
        I am a majnett to mahem, im mad at the world.
        Im one mold of what society mistook and unfurled.

        I am a black pearl, im one of a kind.
        I have a inquisitive mind there is a thin line between
        Genious and insanity and I walk both sides.
        I am selfless but selfish, im helpful yet helpless.

        Im one who wants to do rite but something I can't
        Help it.
        I am hard headed, I have to learn on my own.
        Im one who dioesn't socialize with guys, I like
        To be all alone.

        I am belligerent, distructive insubordinate, corrupted,
        Relented to put my trust im any man or woman or woman.
        I am a momas boi.
        My moma mean the world to me.

        I'll all wase love my moma she's the only girl for me.
        I am a Gemini, they say that im two fasid
        Today to face this world of hate, I caint relate no other
        Way.
        Im a mistake, let moma tell it she shouldn't have
        Had me.

        My moma couldn't stand me because I look like my
        Daddy.
        I am illegitimate, although I know who my daddy is
        I don't know were my daddy been.
        Im the recipant of all the hate my moma had for me.

        I am a African jabari Aali.
        Strong and fearless first rate person that's what my name
        Mean.
        I am self destructive I am my worst enemy.
        It's like im tryen to take a ride but I misplaced my keys.

        Im intelligent, intelectual, I been reading sence I was 3.
        I didn't graduate from high school but I got my G.E.D.
        I was the smartest kid in the class that's when I was there.
        I was the first to finish my work then I started pullen the
        Girl's hair.

        Im figity I canint sit still in my seat.
        I suffer from post tramatic syndrome sometimes i
        Caint sleep.
        Im sell shocked cause of somethings that I've seen.
        Like when Alicia and there Lacritia died in from of
        My eyes its still visual to me.

        There is no way to escape the pain that has been
        kindled in me.
        I'm hears broke, because of things that I've seen.
        Why couldn't God have took me instead?
        Im impractical, eratic, depressed
        Im Crazy!!!

        Im lost in a maze and I don't know the way.
        My life is a stage im playing the role.
        I am a hopeless romantic, with no one to hold.
        Im timid but bold.
        Im in a room with 232 dudes but I fill all alone.

        Im pessimistic I don't see no no hope, so I don't
        Make no goles.
        Im following the lines in the rode to see were they
        Go.
        Im state property im on parole.

        Im a ticken time bomb on the verge to explode.
        Im out of control.
        Like a bull when he bucken.
        I am the child that grew wild cause nobody loved
        me.

        Im the monger of my own destiny
        I am the one I dispise.
        The one behind the lies.
        Looken at visions threw fogy mirrors with this blood
        in my eyes.
 
        Im one of a kind at the same time.
        Im just like the rest.
        Im tired of this stress.
        Caint take this pain left in my chest.
        I am a mess.
 
        Look at what I made of my life, some were
        along the line.
        I took my eyes off the prize.
        Time after time I tried to gain focus again.
        Get some coke and some gin and there my good
        intentions go in the wind.
 
        Im out on a limb, dien to live.
        Since I was a kid.
        I been stugglen-cuz life is a bitch.
        How could I beleave I am a prince.

        The profit said God gave me a gift, and to follow
        The word.
        Cause I deserve better than this.
        But my ominousness is ovious to the omnipotent.
        I try to repent, Lord forgive my sins and give me
        strenght.

        So that I want do it again.
        Im lost in the wind.
        My super eago say I can't win from beginning to
        End.
        Im a child of God drowning in sin.

        Im confused with confusion am I losing busting
        moves.
        But am I realy moven doin what im doin tryen
        to hide my pain.
        With tears in my eyes.
 
        I want to be a man but I here "Real Men Don't
        Cry".

Read the first part of Jabari's essay

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